Holiday Food

The good, the bad and the deadly.

Ever watch the Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston? I used to watch it every year. I always liked watching the parting of the Red Sea. That was great cinematography back in those days. But thinking about Passover and how it is observed, sometimes I wish the Red Sea would have at least swallowed up some of the Passover food recipes we traditionally eat every year.

Some people enjoy Passover food.

Me, well, MEH!

You know I like to cook but Passover can be a challenge if you observe the food traditions.

Let’s start with Matzoh or as some spell it Matzah, Matza, Matzo or tasteless crackers we are forced obligated by tradition to consume.

Matzoh otherwise known as unleavened bread is bread made without yeast so it never rises. It is bread that is more like a cracker. It is bread that looks and tastes like dry wall. I actually think I saw Matzoh on sale once at Home Depot in the clearance aisle.

If you were wondering how you could make bread any unhealthier, we’ll just look at Matzoh. Even the unhealthiest of foods always seem to have ways to try and make them more desirable. Matzoh has a good marketing team.

Back when I used to eat grains, I would make fried matzoh. To do this I would soak the matzoh in water to soften it, then mix in eggs and spices, then cook on a stove like scrambled eggs.

Others prepare it as a drywall pancake. This is how my father-in-law makes fried matzoh. I call this JoJo’s spackle deluxe. It gets served with some metamucil, prunes or your laxative of choice.

If you put enough garlic and onion powder along with salt, it almost doesn’t taste like painters spackle.

Probably the only thing worse than putting matzoh into your body, is trying to get it out. I think matzoh should have warning labels to always take it with lots of water and magnesium, lest you end up in the emergency room with Matzoh-pation.

Please, don’t even get me started on Matzoh Balls. What a name for a food product that so many people make believe they enjoy! Just proves how people go along with the crowd instead of deciding for themselves…..

Please excuse the wording of the next pic. But the meaning is real.

Enough about Matzoh.

How bout Gefilte fish? Have you ever seen gefilte fish? It looks like a fish log or perhaps something a constipated fish extrudes from it’s body.

Kind of like a cross between fish pate, an uncooked fish cake and something you might feed to a prison colony. They try to pretty it up with a small slice of cooked carrot, but that does not really help much. They also usually serve it with a spicy horseradish, probably so your taste buds will never notice the Gefilte fish. We call that “masking the taste” to get something else in, but really, why let the Gefilte fish in??

I have been asked many times where Gefilte fish comes from. From what I have been told, not far from Jerusalem in Israel, there is an ancient river that feeds into a lake known as the Lake Gefilte. Supposedly there is a fish that only lives in that lake, as well as on the table at Passover every year.

But someone told me they may have discovered Gefilte fish in Minnesota of all places. I guess with all those Minnesota lakes …..

I am still holding out hope that the Gefilte fish will be labeled an endangered species so we don’t have to eat it any longer. There is always hope!

Let’s move on to Desserts.

Generally desserts are a pass if you are a lower carb mostly carnivorous table. But it is a tradition on Passover to put out desserts. Remember on Passover no bread or anything with yeast. Nothing that rises, other than perhaps the indigestion and gas after eating a Passover meal. If you thought eating a normal chocolate brownie is bad, have you ever looked at the ingredients of a Passover brownie? Whenever you think ingredients can’t get any worse, just look at Passover food that comes in a box.

31 grams of carbohydrates per 2 ounce serving, and can you believe that is only 10% of the recommended daily allowance (RDA) for carbs? Whoever made up the RDA should be put away in a …., I better not go there.

Hey, at least the Ultimate Brownie Bar is gluten and lactose free!

Remember that true nutritious food does not come in a box or bag, it does not have a shelf life at room temperature, it does not have ingredients listed, and if there are ingredients you can actually pronounce them as they are not ingredients you would find in a chemistry lab.

The best food has a label with its name only, and you could eat and enjoy it all by itself.

Ex: Eggs or Beef

So during Passover I pretty much live on homemade roasted chicken,

as well as chicken soup, eggs, brisket, tuna fish, egg salad, cheese and some fruit.

Eating healthy on Passover can be done, outside of the Passover Seder dinners.

So that is Passover food, the good, the bad and the deadly.

What is your favorite holiday food that is either good, bad or deadly?

Do you have a way of preparing your fav holiday food in a healthy way?

Please share in the comments.